收穫

在讀或將會讀。

用這些去平復自己。

很久以前

心中的自由

我總是在最忙碌的時間加速閱讀，最近工作煩得我有點情緒不穩，而每日放工奪門而去之後，我會立即戴上headphone，聽最令人費神的podcast，在車上也會閱讀要消耗很多腦細胞的書，經過這一個多月努力，我追平了本來遠遠落後的讀書紀錄。

公司那班gossip aunties，為我提供了一個絶佳的修練環境。人在甚麼情況之下最需要自由？就是在一個你完全不能控制的環境之中，不論身邊的人有多似無綫劇中的辦公室秘書，圍圈、掩咀、講是非，再以人類豬型流感的傳播速度將廢話傳開去，你都要在心中長出自由。當你快要抵抗不住他們連買粒綠豆平了一毫子都拿來演講十分鐘之時，可以想想自己的家族起源。因為在《Outliers》中作者就提到家庭背景、文化遺澤、對權力分配的認知等等都能影響成敗。我今日就想到自己從來未見一面的外婆，從我母親口中得知她總是希望下一代能夠離開出生地，往外面的世界闖一闖。結果到了我這一代，算是在香港扎下了根，但這種思想又再次出現在腦中，令我懷疑自己是遊牧民族的後代。

這晚我就拿出母親的族譜來看，我知道以我的姓氏，應該看父親那邊的族譜才對。但他們就是沒有任何紀錄，也不要緊，誰知道那個祖祖祖x N 母有沒有背著老爺和來自蒙古的管家偷情，生了個特別強壯但單眼皮的兒子，這個野種就成了我家族中一半血脈的根源呢？總之我看著我媽的族譜，知道有位當官的祖先到寺廟參拜時，偶遇孔雀開屏，就誤打誤撞被那班終日無所事事的和尚推為他們的lucky star。你想不到族譜也有笑料吧？我手上就有一本。

我笑到寫了這個post來分享。心中的自由就在於能夠在最想講粗口的情況下自我開解。

The Royal Wedding Official Programme

未能親身見證皇室的氣派，唯有買本場刊作補償。

山長水遠寄來香港，只需英鎊3元。收益還會拿去做善事。

another presentation format

I don't need a reason not to care

You talk about life, you talk about death,
And everything in between,
Like it's nothing, and the words are easy.
You talk about me, you talk about you,
And everything I do,
Like it's something, that needs repeating.
I don't need an alibi or for you to realize,
The things we left unsaid,
Are only taking space up in our heads.
Make it my fault, win the game
Point the finger, place the blame
Address me up and down,
It doesn't matter now.

'Cause I don't care if I ever talk to you again.
This is not about emotion,
I don't need a reason not to care what you say,
Or what happened in the end.
This is my interpretation,
It don't, don't make sense.

The first two weeks turn into ten,
I hold my breath and wonder when it'll happen,
Does it really matter?
If half of what you said is true,
And half of what I didn't do could be different,
Would it make it better?
If we forget the things we know.
Would we have somewhere to go?
The only way is down, I can see that now.

'Cause I don't care if I ever talk to you again.
This is not about emotion,
I don't need a reason not to care what you say,
Or what happened in the end.
This is my interpretation,
It don't, don't make sense.

It's really not such a sacrifice

'Cause I don't care if I ever talk to you again.
This is not about emotion,
I don't need a reason not to care what you say,
Or what happened in the end.
This is my interpretation,
It don't, don't make sense.

And it don't have to make no sense to you at all,
'Cause this is my interpretation, yeah, yeah, yeah.

腳傷之時

最近受到腳傷困擾，令我忽然看清楚擁有健全的四肢的重要。那天在美麗華商場前面，只差三級樓梯，就能走進去，但我就是無法抬起受傷的右腳。當時我拉了一下你的手，然後你像隨時都準備十足，讓我大部份的體重都傾在你身上一樣，幫助我走上這幾級樓梯。當時我們默默無聲，就像我是自己走上去一樣。你不會知道這一幕對我有多深刻，程度就像十月時某一天，你帶著為我而排的新書到半山找我。我經常提起那一次我真的很感動，而你只會說那只是很普通的一件小事。你以這個身份，找我是理所當然的事，我也奇怪自己為什麼會感到奇怪。其實易地而處，我以我這個身份，同樣會去找你。